Letter of appreciation

Appreciation

Dear Me,

I appreciate my journey to becoming who I am today.

Knowing about Arogi Foundation was by chance; thanks to the social media algorithm that feeds me with what I have been looking for through search and likes. I was looking for an affordable therapist and I got served with the ads about Arogi Foundation’s free therapy session, I guess I was lucky.

I was matched with this amazing therapist Dr Rukayyah Abdulrahmon. She was very warm, calm, patient and kind with the way she handles my case. I wish her all the best things in this life and hereafter.

Before now, I have never had the experience of going for a therapy session. I felt a dire need for it after experiencing depression and anxiety symptoms which were triggered by:

• repeatedly hearing abusive words (emotional abuse)
• Emotional manipulation
• Going through a divorce
• feeling betrayed by my Dad's
• loss of some properties and separation from my children.

It was a hard thing for me to cope with, hence my need to talk to a therapist to help make sense of what going on with me. Because I could not sleep properly any longer, I was struggling at work; experienced PTSD from encounters with my ex which makes me not trust ladies and not want to take another partner because of these experiences.

After a couple of sessions, I was able to learn more about myself, my emotions and how to manage these feelings in a better way. I realized that I have been reacting, instead of responding to most of the conflict situations that I have found myself in. I would suppress my true feelings or not respond at all because I assume the person I am dealing with would not get me and things would probably escalate more than I can imagine. I did not know any better way to handle things. I would switch to flight mode or avoidance mode at any confrontation that faced me.

I come to realize that most of the ways that I use to deal with matters were picked up from parental upbringing and childhood experiences; watching parent conflicts, dad abandoning the family for some years, and having to become a quiet person to avoid trouble at home.

Now, I have learnt how to be mindful; to say positive things to myself through words of affirmation. I have learned that emotions are natural, they are not to be denied and to allow it happen naturally and acknowledge it.

I realized that thoughts are the language of the mind; that feelings are the language of the body. When we think about negative experiences that we had in the past, the brain sets the feeling of the body to experience this past pain all over again. That means we are like punishing ourselves with an event that had happened a long time ago.

With talk therapy, mindfulness and breathing exercise and psycho-education. I would now deal with people, communicate and resolve matters in a better manner. Before the therapy, every conversation with my ex-wife always turned into arguments, accusations and insulative words. Now we can both discuss and be objective about our point of discussion mostly about our children, their welfare and educational needs. And sometimes to just talk about the past without curses and abusive words.

I come to the realization that, just because my partner chose to relate with me in a negative manner, I should not reciprocate the same way. Because I am responsible for all of my actions and the same rule applies to my partner. That the way a person deals with the other person(s) reflects the kind of person they are. So I chose to remain someone with the beautiful soul that I have always been. And now let an outside influence my beautiful nature negatively.

I am using this medium to appreciate myself :

• for being brave enough to put me through this journey of self-care, healing and self-development for me to have a better and brighter life ahead;
• for my future partner to enjoy having a happy relationship/marriage with an emotionally stable, loving and kind partner that knows how to communicate without being insulative and abusive;
• for my children so that they don’t have to heal from the trauma of me being their parent; for they will be well raised and taken care of without going through traumatic experiences by the special grace of Almighty God.
• and for the everyday people that I will have to be dealing with every day of my life till I die; Most of you I will not have to talk to you, some of you would be tolerated, some of you would be filtered out through boundaries and to those ones that we cannot cut off, I will never let you get to my mental health before handling you.

I forgive myself today for all the pain that I put myself through in the course of thinking being a good person means I have to sacrifice my happiness and tolerate every shitty behaviour on earth.

Now I know that I can still be a kind and a nice person without losing my mental health in the course of being good.

I give God Almighty all the honour and all the praises for making someone come up with the initiative to create the (NGO) Arogi Foundation to help people. I thank you very much for your effort. May God Almighty respond to every need of yours when you require them.

God bless Arogi Foundation and Dr Ms Rukayyah Abdulrahamon.
God bless the eyes that read this epistle of mine.